I think it’s time to revive the idea of modern superheroes. Call Spiderman when you’ve got a nasty moth infestation, or Batman when cute women in catsuits are pestering you, but who do you call on a summer’s night when your peace is disturbed by some idiot too proud of his car’s speakers?
The WaterPistol Avenger, that’s who. One call, and he’ll slip into his lycra, slap on his mask, and jump on his pushbike. Racing around the corner, he’ll spot the offending idiot, and slow to a casual pace, pulling out a giant water pistol as he draws level with the car window. The sonic assailant turns around just as the WaterPistol Avenger starts pumping, drenching the aural invader and his car stereo with waves of water.
As the music dies, all that can be heard are the sobs of the under-endowed car owner as he realises the folly of his ways, and vows never to bother peace-loving residents again.
The WaterPistol Avenger cruises on, job done.
Now all I need to some way of silencing the irritating yuppies who have yelled conversations across the street as they leave after the pub quiz. Perhaps they don’t recognise it as a residential street because all the houses are joined up and there aren’t any front lawns.