Tonia.

While writing an email the other day I found myself suddenly entering rant mode:

Tonia Todman is really just an excuse for people to horde bits of old cardboard and sparkly bits that one rainy day they’re going to make into a fabulous doorstop/napkin holder/gift set – I’d rather take lots of drugs and burn the cardboard while wearing the sparkly bits when that rainy day comes.

Update: the Aunt From Hell [tm] gave me a book on decoupage, so now I’m all set to be the new Tonia. I have the Xmas wrapping paper, shitloads of old unsightly furniture, and now I have the knowledge. [insert maniacal laughter here].

[I have no idea when this was written, the original wasn’t more specific than 1998]

Preston CIB Crime Report.

This is the crime report from my local Neighbourhood Watch Newsletter. Most of it is pretty ordinary, and much of the rest can be explained with terms like ‘high unemployment’, ‘working class’, etc, but some of it is really disturbing for such a quiet looking suburb. Aggravated pollution, anyone?

There were 55 offenders arrested for the following offences. Theft, handle stolen goods, deception, possess heroin, unlawful possession, theft from motor car, burglary and theft, traffic heroin, sexual penetration of a child under 16, stalking, warrant of apprehension, theft of motor car, traffic, cultivate and possess drugs, criminal damage, assault, threats to kill, armed robbery, unlicenced firearm, obtain financial advantage by deception, false report, aggravated pollution.

[I have no idea when this was written, the original wasn’t more specific than 1998]

Trivia

My handwriting features encryption *way* stronger than 128-bit.

My star sign for the week, from the Weekend Australian:

It’s a pity you can’t catch meglomania by sharing a bath with someone who has it. You’re wise and canny but you Crab People often have an odd attitude to power. Even if it were given as a free gift with purchase, you’d have problems taking it. Whatever the root reason for this trait, planet Pluto is now starting a long process of remoulding your relationship to Power. So, gloves off. Awaken your inner despot.

Ha! Watch out world. I’ll be dominating in no time. If that’s ok.

[I have no idea when this was written, the original wasn’t more specific than 1998]