Must get around to listening to this.
Heh, nice tits.
Found on the net… I’m sure enough of it is true, but it would be nice to see references.
George W. Bush The White House, USA
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for Congress and lost.
I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas; the company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team, in a sweetheart deal and built a stadium using taxpayer money.
With my father’s help and name, I was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR
I changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the US. And replaced Houston over L.A. as the most smog-ridden city in America.
Cut taxes and bankrupted TX government to the tune of billions of dollars in borrowed money.
I set the record for most executions by a Governor in US history.
I became US President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with the help of major Enron money and my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court.
I attacked and overtook two countries.
I spent the US surplus and bankrupted the US Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in US history. I set an economic record for private bankruptcies in any 12-month period.
I set the all time record for the biggest drop in history of the US stock market.
I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
I set the record for most days on vacation in any one year.
After taking the entire month of August off, I presided over the worst security failure in US history.
I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips by a US president.
I set the records for the least amount of press conferences than any president since the advent of television.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene when oil industry corruption was revealed.
I have cut healthcare benefits for war veterans.
I set the all time record for the largest number of people worldwide to protest my policies in public venues (15 million) shattering the record for protest against anyone in world history.
I have dissolved more international treaties than any president in US history.
I have made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history.
I am the first president of US to have all 50 states simultaneously go bankrupt.
I presided over the biggest corporate stock market fraud in any country in history.
I am the first president to order a preemptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and besides that I did so against the will of the United Nations.
I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US.
I am the first president to have the UN remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the US from the World Court.
I refused to allow inspectors access to prisoners of war and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the all-time US and world record-holder for receiving the largest corporate campaign donations.
My largest campaign contributor and one of my best friends, Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in US history.
My political party used the Enron Private jets and their corporate attorneys to assure my success with the Supreme Court during the 2000 election.
I am the first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
In the past 18 months since the World Trade Center attack, I have successfully prevented any public investigation into the biggest security failure in US history.
In a little over two years, I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.
I entered office with the strongest economy in US history and have turned every single economic category downward, all in less than two years.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine. And my Texas driving record has been erased and is unavailable.
I was AWOL from the National Guard during the Vietnam War.
I refuse to take a drug test or answer any questions about drug use.
All records or minutes from meetings I, or my Vice-president, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable to the public.
These are just a few of my accomplishments as President,
For inquiries and more information, my father can be reached at the Carlyle Group offices, where he and James Baker are helping to divide up the spoils of the US-Iraq War and planning for the next assault.
“Police have apologised to an artist after raiding his home when an artwork made out of bacon was mistaken for a human head.” (BBC)
Very cool guides to Central and Eastern Europe at http://www.inyourpocket.com, which will be handy when I go to Finland and Estonia on Friday.
“Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts.”
Heh. But more seriously,
“Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain.” (Caring for Your Introvert)
One of those articles that delights in that which it pretends to deplore. But the acronyms are funny, so I don’t mind:
” Top medical acronyms
CTD – Circling the Drain (A patient expected to die soon)
GLM – Good looking Mum
GPO – Good for Parts Only
TEETH – Tried Everything Else, Try Homeopathy
UBI – Unexplained Beer Injury”.
Also cited: “NFN (Normal for Norfolk), FLK (Funny looking kid) or GROLIES (Guardian Reader Of Low Intelligence in Ethnic Skirt).” and the “delightful term “pumpkin positive”, which refers to the implication that a penlight shone into the patient’s mouth would encounter a brain so small that the whole head would light up.”
“The UK government has now largely abandoned Microsoft Word for official documents and has turned to documents created using Adobe Acrobat which uses the Portable Data Format (PDF).”
“Mr Byers wrote that the problem of leaky Word documents is pervasive and wrote that anyone worried about losing personal information might want to consider using a different word processing program.”
Did I mention how much I’m enjoying listening to web radio from Emperor Norton?